Kurt Steps It Up
Excerpt from the documentary The Struggle Never Ends: Nirvana’s Pop Years (2014)
*cuts to Krist Novoselic, with brief pause*
NOVOSELIC:.... We took a break. …..We had to regroup after the whole mess from the last few months. Kurt taking the shrooms meant that he wasn’t as burdened by the pressures of fame as before, but that didn’t mean that he was entirely well either.
*cuts to Dave Grohl*
DAVE GROHL: While we were preparing new material for what would become our next album, there were times I noticed that Kurt was feeling more up and about compared to before. I mean, like, he was feeling genuinely up on his feet after all those months - all those months of his previous addiction worsening. Yet…… he still felt spacy, and I mean he had a lot of spacy moments. I mean it’s psilocybin - what’d you expect - Kurt may be all hunky dory and feel like gold - but I would just look over at his notes and they would be…. Gibberish. Plain and fucking simple, really.
DAVE GROHL: Krist and I basically looked at each other and basically asked, “Now What?” Obviously, we weren’t in any position to do any more touring. One because, “what if Kurt had a bad trip on stage?” Two because Kurt hooked us up for at least two more rounds of making cartoon music, and we had to work out how we were gonna juggle those two things between that and the next album, and our next concerts were hoops too high for us to jump through.
*cuts back to Krist Novoselic*
KRIST NOVOSELIC: It was the last leg of our tour in South America. We’d already performed in Buenos Aires back in October, and we’d planned to perform two gigs in Brazil and some more in like, Chile and Colombia, but with Kurt trying to adjust, we simply decided with the hype on
Nevermind winding down it wasn’t worth it. So in the end we scrapped the rest of the tour and spent the early months of the new year working on new material.[1]
*cuts back to Dave Grohl*
DAVE GROHL: We told Kurt that we weren’t able to finish off the tour as scheduled and we expected him to really gun for it, but he was pretty fine with it. He would tell us “I would be humiliated” or “It’ll be a nightmare” like he always would in such situations.[2] So with that out of the way, we got to makin’ some music. *chuckles*
*cuts to overview of songwriting notes, many of which have scribbled out lyrics and are partially torn apart, ominous acoustic guitar strumming is heard in the background*
NARRATOR: With their hands no longer tied up, the band would continue writing and recording demos for what they thought was their next planned album -
Tuc Eht Parc. They hoped to get it released by the fall of 1993. Kurt Cobain however, would take the band on an unusual detour.
NARRATOR: Having made a promise with Eric Stefani, Kurt wanted to partially put off
Tuc Eht Parc to make the necessary songs for Stefani. Replacing
Tuc Eht Parc for the fall would be an album that went in a different direction from the band’s pop or punk sounds, but was just as stripped down as they promised it to be -
In The Gallows. An album taking heavy influence from folk ballads mixed with punk sensibilities. The band as a whole agreed to move forward. Producer Steve Albini however, was livid.
*cuts to Steve Albini*
STEVE ALBINI: I was like “what the fuck were they thinkin’ trying to trick me into making frolickly little Disney shit behind my back!!” And Kurt would just go on and on about how the cartoon it was for wasn’t your average kiddie shit but like demented, Andy Worhol type shit, or it has these scenes of the naked mole-rat - I mean chihuahua having a mental breakdown and wanting to kill the fat demon or cat or whatever. And so I sat down and Kurt and we watched the cartoon on some tapes Kurt was given just to prove how disappointingly corporate Nirvana had become and how they really were selling out.[3]
*brief pause*
STEVE ALBINI: …….only to find out that,
I was not ready for what I saw at all.[4]
STEVE ALBINI: Helmets that force you to be happy? Drug soup? Rubber nipples? “Don’t whiz on the electric fence”? Definitely can’t say that the average cartoon has that kind of imagery in it. And cable TV was still pretty underground around that time. And Kurt would keep telling me that this was gonna be the last time they would do it for them, and that like we planned before this next album would be a departure from
Nevermind.
STEVE ALBINI: So in the end, I reluctantly agreed to record the next album. But I did so under one condition: I wanted the next album to double down on underground, stripped down sound. The band was apparently way ahead of me though, having split
Tuc Eht Parc into two albums - one replacing
Tuc Eht Parc and one called
Tuc Eht Parc.
*cuts back to Krist Novoselic*
KRIST NOVOSELIC: As for the tracks…. themselves, we found out that splitting
Tuc Eht Parc in half meant we… didn’t have enough material for Gallows. So I’m like, “Kurt we gotta think of something for the next album quick and I don’t think we have the time for extra writing”. And so Kurt thought quickly, and dug through some of his old recordings from years back - kinda like “The Yodel Song”. A-A-And I’m saying “well, we better not piss Steve off,” and he’s all *motions hands* “doonn’t worry ‘bout it, these are the type of material he’ll love.” So I held my breath for how he was going to react -
*immediately cuts to Steve Albini*
STEVE ALBINI: I thought it was cool. *nods head* Definitely could use some better recording techniques. I mean fuck, that was just Kurt. We gotta get the whole band together and then we can see what we’re working with.
*cuts to overview of snowy forests, ominous acoustic guitar strumming continues*
NARRATOR: To truly capture the rural and folk punk sound Nirvana was aiming for, Albini and the band would retreat to a secluded studio in the forests of Minnesota - the Pachyderm Recording Studio. There were no other producers or people affiliated with the band other than Steve Albini and Nirvana themselves. With that, the group wasted no time at work.
*cuts back to Steve Albini*
STEVE ALBINI: I was firm on just the band, like, I swear to christ the people around Nirvana… y-y-yo-you know producers, marketers, those guys were some of the biggest pieces of shit I ever met. We were all gonna make precisely the sort of record that I’m comfortable doing.[5]
*cuts to different angle of interview*
STEVE ALBINI: Just strip away the excess, shatter any illusions of grandeur and cut out all that glossy production or industry expectations; it was about raw honesty and a return to their roots. That’s what
In The Gallows was gonna be like for me.
*cuts to Krist Novoselic*
KRIST NOVOSELIC: You could basically sum up this album as Woody Guthrie with hardcore punk sensibilities.
*cuts to old video footage of the band setting up their sets in the studio*
KURT COBAIN: *in background* Yeah, get it over there.
STEVE ALBINI: *in background* Right
NARRATOR: The band would work every day for a week, often starting in the middle of the day and going on until midnight. Breaks would only be taken during lunch and dinner.[6]
DAVE GROHL: Now right before our sessions we discovered that we didn’t have enough tracks on the final album, so to fill the space we basically did stripped down covers of the old folk song “In The Pines” and “The Man Who Sold the World” by David Bowie to fill the extra space.[7]
*cuts to Steve Albini*
STEVE ALBINI: This was another curveball the band threw at me, but since they weren’t that famous - I just kept on recording.
*cuts to the band recording their version “The Man Who Sold the World”*
*fades into guitar riff*
KURT COBAIN: We passed upon the stand, We spoke of was and when
KURT COBAIN: Although I wasn’t there, He said I was his friend
KURT COBAIN: Which came as a surprise, I spoke into his eyes
KURT COBAIN: I thought you died alone, a long, long time ago -
*cuts to the band recording their version of “In The Pines”*
*guitar strumming cuts in*
KURT COBAIN: My girl, my girl, don’t lie to me
KURT COBAIN: Tell me where did you sleep last night
KURT COBAIN: In the pines, In the pines
KURT COBAIN: Where the sun don’t ever shine
KURT COBAIN: I would shiver -
*Narrator talks over*
NARRATOR: Of course,
In The Gallows would have plenty of original material to boot. These songs would include the screed against the tabloids known as “Serve the Servants”.
*cuts into guitar riff of “Serve the Servants”*
KURT COBAIN: Teenage angst has paid off well
KURT COBAIN: Now I’m bored and old
KURT COBAIN: Self-appointed judges judge
KURT COBAIN: More than they have sold
KURT COBAIN: If he does strum they must mock
KURT COBAIN: A yodeling for cats and dogs
KURT COBAIN: A punchline in the indie light
KURT COBAIN: Fading dreams of underground rite[8]
KURT COBAIN: Serve the servants, oh no
KURT COBAIN: Serve the servants, oh no
KURT COBAIN: Serve the servants, oh no
KURT COBAIN: Serve the servants
KURT COBAIN: That legendary divorce is such a bore
*cuts away to more folkish songs by the band*
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the album would also feature - in addition to the already recorded “Yodel Song” - two new songs made for
Ren & Stimpy. These include the tracks “The Watchman” and “Burn the Rain”.[9] Much like “The Yodel Song”, these were originally home recordings done by Kurt alone, but they were ultimately enhanced by the other band members.
KURT COBAIN: The watchman goes
KURT COBAIN: The watchman throws
KURT COBAIN: Down deep through the forests, looking for prey
KURT COBAIN: He always schemes
KURT COBAIN: He always seems
KURT COBAIN: To look for the ones that scream to flay
*transitions to “Burn the Rain”*
KURT COBAIN: Burn the nothing
KURT COBAIN: From the night away
KURT COBAIN: Fear in the million
KURT COBAIN: From the love of her
KURT COBAIN: Burn the nothing
KURT COBAIN: From the night away
KURT COBAIN: Burn the writing
KURT COBAIN: Friends and I away
*riff builds up before exploding*
KURT COBAIN: Lost in echoes
KURT COBAIN: Darkness takes its toll
KURT COBAIN: In the embers
KURT COBAIN: Find a burning soul
KURT COBAIN: Fear the memories
KURT COBAIN: Of the fire’s glow
KURT COBAIN: All that rests is ashes
KURT COBAIN: Let the shadows go
*cuts away to harder and faster performance of another song, Narrator talks over*
KURT COBAIN: Like most babies smell like butter
NARRATOR: However, perhaps the two most aggressive tracks on the entire album would be “Scentless Apprentice” and “Still Life” respectively. The latter in particular - due to its extremely fast place - had the percussion recorded separately *screen shows picture of drum setup* in the kitchen, with Albini taking advantage of its natural reverb by surrounding the drums with 30 microphones.[10] Later on, both songs would prove insturmental as inspiration for the later, emo-driven second wave of grimdark music of the mid-to-late 1990s.
KURT COBAIN: HHEEEEEEYYYYYY, AAWWWWWAAAAAYYYYYY
KURT COBAIN: GO, AAWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY
KURT COBAIN: GO, AAWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY
*fades in to “Still Life” with its aggressive chorus*
KURT COBAIN: RAZOR’S EDGE, THE SHADOWS NEAR
KURT COBAIN: PUPPET MASSES, THE SKIN SEARED
KURT COBAIN: APPLAUSE CODE, THE DISTANT ROAD
KURT COBAIN: SOULLESS SILHOUETTES CORRODE[11]
*cuts to interview of Dave Grohl*
DAVE GROHL: After about a week it was over. We got the album finished in this… super quick time compared to our last two.[12] We were all relieved that we got the album over with and ready for release…. Well, more I should say, sent to post-pro and
then ready for release. But…. I noticed on the way home Kurt was looking like he had the life sucked out of him.
*cuts to Krist Novoselic*
KRIST NOVOSELIC: Maybe that last track we recorded hit too close to home for him.
*Cuts to pictures of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love hanging out together*
NARRATOR: Throughout his time of collaborating with people the likes of Eric Stefani and John Kricfalusi, there was one thing that Kurt was neglecting in his life. Love. Courtney Love.
*shows clips of Hole vocalist Courtney Love performing*
NARRATOR: In the early 1990s, Kurt Cobain was still a rising star in the music industry when he ran into Hole lead vocalist Courtney Love. Although the two would hit it off, the two would not attempt to reconnect again until sometime after the success of
Nevermind. But before they could get together, Eric Stefani called Cobain about guest starring in
Ren & Stimpy. This would distract Cobain from hooking up with Love.
*slowly fades to black*
NARRATOR: But now, with his contributions to cartoon shows seemingly behind him, and with his addiction mainly in check - Kurt would attempt another chance at Love.
*audio spectrum appears with text “Phone Call - February 12, 1993” in top left corner appears*
*phone ringing tones for 11 seconds*
COURTNEY LOVE: Hello?
KURT COBAIN: Remember me? Kurt Cobain?
COURTNEY LOVE: *nervously* Oh my god - yes! Kurt you’ve gone really far!
KURT COBAIN: You too, it’s been a while.
COURTNEY LOVE: Yeeeaaaahhh, and what’s all this about you making cartoon music? Isn’t that kiddie shit?
KURT COBAIN: Trust me the one I’m… making material for is really fucked up - th-th-they got shit like rubble nipples, some firefighter that sees…. “Circus midgets”, the character I voice gives out heroin soup.
COURTNEY LOVE: *cracks up laughing* How are the needles treating ya?
KURT COBAIN: Needles? I ain’t needle sick no more. I’m hooked on shrooms now.
COURTNEY LOVE: Oooohhhhh. Isn’t that like hippie-type stuff?
KURT COBAIN: Yeeaaahhh… I quit after a really bad OD that Krist and Dave saved my ass from. Many of them actually.
COURTNEY LOVE: Ouch.
KURT COBAIN: Well, got any plans soon? I was thinking we could meet up some time? Next weekend?
COURTNEY LOVE: Not sure. My boyfriend and I were planning on a trip to Vegas around that same time. But I think I’m free afterwards.
*Kurt’s voice becomes more solemn and stoic*
KURT COBAIN: ...Boyfriend?
COURTNEY LOVE: Oh yeah, Billy Corgan - you know? From the Smashing Pumpkins. They’re like - an up and coming band.[13]
KURT COBAIN: …Yyyeeeaaaahhhhh…. I’ve heard of ‘em. How long have you guys been together?
COURTNEY LOVE: …Almost two years now.
KURT COBAIN: ….Well, so sorry we have to reschedule some things, but I guess I’ll see you in like… a couple of weeks I think.
*brief dead air on phoneline*
COURTNEY LOVE: …Uh, yeah! That works perfectly!
KURT COBAIN: Alright. See you there.
COURTNEY LOVE: Bye bye.
*call disconnect tone sounds, slowly trails off*
*cuts to Krist Novoselic*
KRIST NOVOSELIC: I saw Kurt on the night that he found out Courtney Love was hooked up with Billy Corgan.
He was crying. He was… bawling his eyes out. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone as devastated as Kurt was at that point.
*Krist sighs*
KRIST NOVOSELIC: So here I am trying to relieve Kurt of his sadness. And I tell him, “Kurt - don’t let yourself down dude. You’re literally
the biggest star in the music world right now. Courtney is just the tip of the iceberg of the women that are just dying to love you. To have sex with you. To be your wife.” Kurt just said something to the effect of “I can’t go anywhere out in public without the tabloids on my ass.”
KRIST NOVOSELIC: And I’m over here like, “don’t you have an alter ego called… ‘Roxy Card’ or somethin’ like that?” He told me it was “Rex Cage”. And so I told him to go out there as “Rex Cage” and find a woman that will love him. And from that…. he seemed to start to assert himself - assert control.
*cuts to Dave Grohl*
DAVE GROHL: Kurt would then do these kooky attempts at disguising himself. He would… shave his beard…. He would wear this blue beanie…. and he would make all his clothes darker and less unkempt. Kurt was ready to really change himself.
*cuts to Krist Novoselic*
KRIST NOVOSELIC: He would go out to one of the bars in downtown Seattle, looking for women. But lucky for him - it was only like his… first couple days when he seemed to have success.
An Unexpected Return
Interview with Gwen Stefani on VH1’s Recording Insight (1997)[14]
GWEN STEFANI: And so my senior year was almost up, and after spending 4 years of my life post-No Doubt, I was ready to graduate in Music Production from University of Washington.
INTERVIEW: Uh huh. And how did you get into….
Well, you know what I mean -
GWEN STEFANI:
Right. You see it was a rainy night in February, and I just finished another study session for my finals. So great, now I have time to kill.
INTERVIEW: Uh huh.
GWEN STEFANI: I went downtown to see what was going on, and pretty much nothing going on. Go figure. So I went into this bar that a lot of people from campus would visit from time to time.
INTERVIEW: So what was it like?
GWEN STEFANI: Oh,
hella dingy. Like half the lights weren’t even working. Place smelled pretty nasty, smelled of cigarettes, beer, the like. At least there was a cool vibe to the place, even had live music.
INTERVIEW: That sounds… intriguing. Did anybody talk to you while you were there?
GWEN STEFANI: *slight giggle*
…He spoke to me, told me how he likes live music in these small little clubs rather than large stadiums. Seemed like he kinda knew his music more than the average Joe Blow did.
INTERVIEW: Uh huh.
GWEN STEFANI: And so we’re really hitting it off, having all these really nice discussions about our favorite music. I mean we both
loved punk rock, but he seemed like more into hardcore punk, while I was clearly a ska fan. And I’m looking at him and thinking….. “Do I know him?”
INTERVIEWER: Almost like he’s a celebrity -
GWEN STEFANI: *jokingly* Don’t spoil it!
GWEN STEFANI: But yeah, something about the clearly shaved beard, his clothes, or the fact that all his hair was…. *arms emphasize* under this huge wool beanie. And so I ask him if he can take the beanie off, and he gets a little uncomfortable. But after persuading him, he reluctantly agreed to take it off.
*brief pause*
GWEN STEFANI:
It was him. No Doubt about it.
INTERVIEW: Wow. Was he nervous?
GWEN STEFANI: He only got a lot more uncomfortable with his beanie off, and I apologized. He wasn’t mad at me or anything, it was more like that stress was directed towards him. He told me that he was disguising himself since he didn’t want to be seen in public. That’s when I heard a snapshot behind me, and I quickly turned around.
*reveals picture*
GWEN STEFANI:
They didn’t want to see him as Kurt Cobain.
[1] IOTL, only the performances in Santiago and Bogotá were canceled. Here, for obvious reasons, none of the Winter 1993 performances in South America happen.
[2] As we all know about Kurt - he really, really,
really hated being humiliated. While yes, that can be said about people generally, this condition really drove Kurt’s inner duality with fame. More on that later.
[3] Steve Albini was chosen as the producer for
In Utero because he was the perfect rebuttal to all the people who either thought Nirvana sold out with
Nevermind or thought Nirvana was just
Nevermind. Albini had a reputation within the American indie music industry as a hardline critic of the mainstream music industry and with a knack for authenticity - such as recording in analog rather than the large trend to digital recording. He also rejected many of the conventions of mainstream music, preferring to have “Recorded by Steve Albini” rather than “Produced by Steve Albini”, and refusing to take royalties. Another reason Kurt chose him was because he had produced two of his favorite albums -
Surfer Rosa by the Pixies and
Pod by the Breeders.
[4] He probably watched some episodes like…
nope, nope, save it for the next chapter. Can’t have people thinking this is all about
Ren & Stimpy.
[5] True quotes from OTL on the latter part.
[6] Which is slightly longer than OTL by one day because…
[7] There are recording sessions for cover songs. I figured some of the songs on the
Montage of Heck album like Cobain’s cover of “And I Love Her” by The Beatles were made later on - and specifically in the context of Cobain being with Courtney Love.
[8] ITTL, no Courtney Love yields a lyric change in “Serve the Servants”. The OTL lyrics “If she floats then she is not, A witch like we had thought, A down payment on another, One at Salem’s lot” refer to how the tabloids would demonize Love as a horrible wife, mother, and influence on Cobain, and how Cobain was having none of this. In this alternate timeline, with Cobain’s relationship with Love derailed by his decision to make “The Yodel Song” for
Ren & Stimpy, the alternate lyrics "If he does strum they just mock, A yodeling for cats and dogs, A punchline in the indie light, Fading dreams of underground rite" lament how his unexpected further increase in fame from “The Yodel Song” has served to make himself feel like a laughing stock to the indie scene he always wanted to be a part of.
[9] Both of these tracks are variations of “The Happy Guitar” (TTL’s version is sped up compared to OTL’s version, plus the guitar structure is more consistent since it isn’t improv) and “Burn the Rain” from OTL’s
Montage of Heck: The Home Recordings, much like “The Yodel Song” is from OTL.
[10] True in OTL, with tracks on
In Utero using this technique including “Very Ape” and “Tourette’s”.
[11] The biggest difference from OTL other than songs from OTL’s
Montage of Heck: The Home Recordings and
MTV Unplugged in New York appearing on the album is that “Heart-Shaped Box” is never made.
Yep, you heard that right, “Heart-Shaped Box” does not exist in Man’s Best Friend. In its place is a track called “Still Life” - a cynical song about a rockstar whose fame strips him further and further of his humanity until he is rendered an isolated husk of his former self.
[12] This was quick by Nirvana standards, but Steve Albini was typically used to recording in a day or two.
[13] IOTL, before marrying Kurt Cobain, Courtney Love had a bit of a thing going on with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins. Of course, the two would break up in October 1991 after Love discovered Corgan had another relationship. Here however, butterflies from Eric Stefani initially contacting Kurt Cobain at
just the right time means that said other girlfriend is never found out and Corgan commits to dating Love.
[14] This is of course not a show that exists on OTL’s VH1. This should give you an idea of the changes to come.
